For Minister's Wives, My Story, When Church Hurts

Heartache to Healing

by bishopswife

Update:  The My Story Page is no longer password protected.  Thanks – Jana

Over the last week, I’ve corresponded with a number of people regarding a new page on my blog.  It’s titled My Story…

To be perfectly honest it should be called Our Story because so many people I know can relate.  I wish I knew why the church in general has caused so much grief for the people who comprise its membership and leadership.  I’m learning in all of my years of attending and serving the church, heartache is rampant and abuse is on the rise.  It saddens me to think about the number of people who find pain when all they are longing for is peace.

There is so much to say and I wish I could talk personally with every person reading this right now.  Barry and I know how difficult it can be to recover from wounds caused by the church and/or by its leadership.  Thankfully, after years of heartache we are in a place of healing.  A place we never really thought existed.  For us it’s been a combination of many, many things.  A relationship with God, a healthy church and time.  Lot’s of time reading, sitting in silence, crying, laughing and then finally realizing that we are loved and valued by our Heavenly Father.  We can and do hear His voice, understand His direction and enjoy His company.  We have started our journey back to our First Love and it is amazing.

For anyone that would like to read my story and follow along as I recall our journey please feel free to do so.  Because these posts are a little more in-depth and personal I have placed a password on them.  I understand this is a bummer, but I truly want people to feel free to leave their comments and questions without feeling like everyone in cyberspace will read them or critique them.  🙂

I appreciate all of the support and the outpouring of love I have received from this blog.  It has also been part of the healing process for me and I am so thankful!

If you would  like for me to send you the password you can contact me via email at jana (dot) bishop (at) gmail.com or you can call, text or facebook me.

Oh…and I will continue doing weekly posts on the Home page as usual…just in case you were wondering.

Many Thanks and Much Love,

Jana

15 thoughts on “Heartache to Healing”

  1. thanks for sharing “our story.”:) it has been very therapeutic and caused me to reflect on some things. in a very positive, growth-inspiring way. for so long we (the ones who have shared in your story there) have kept silent. not even being able to speak to one ANOTHER about it. i don’t know if you know this or not, but im a social work major at baylor now. and talking with my fiance about this blog and everything i’ve kind of shared with him in bits and pieces about that church. i was trying to explain to him why for 5 years i’ve not been able to talk much about it with anyone. and why im so excited by this blog, just for myself. not to see the demise of anyone else or for any malicious reasons. you’ll get my drift when i tell you my brilliant analogy 😉 hehe

    i told him,
    “you know how when a woman is raped, especially by a powerful man or politician or someone prominent in society, many times she will be hesitant to tell anyone, and sometimes won’t even report it? (60% of rapes go unreported annually).”
    he said attentively, “yes.”
    “well,” i continued, “the reasons are usually: 1.shame, 2.taking blame upon oneself (maybe i should dress more modestly, it’s my fault, i asked for it i guess), 3.fear of being retaliated against, 4.fear of not being believed by police or family members, 5.fear of it being turned around on them (making them look like a lying fool), 6.fear of becoming “untouchable” (‘what man would want me if they knew i’d been defiled?’), 7.denial of what happened (blocking it out is a coping mechanism for some.) ”

    he agreed. “this is true.”

    i went on, “well you know how once a serial rapist is caught and brought to trial, women come out of the wood-works to testify against him. sometimes from incidents that happened over 20 years before.
    it’s like, they finally feel like there are others they can relate to, there is evidence stacked up against the guy so they are more likely to be taken seriously, there are usually resources being provided for them as victims (counseling and such), and the perv is being locked away for a long time and they feel safe enough to finally come forward. they don’t feel alone. they are inspired by the one courageous woman who finally came forth with the truth. there is a community of women they can now share stories with and find healing from. they can cry and laugh together, and share with one another how they’ve found strength and healing and how they’ve coped.”

    he smiled and nodded understandingly.

    i know rape is a whole different caliber of wrong, and i’m not saying we were raped there. :-/ thank God.
    but i just felt like that is an accurate description of my feelings toward your blogs. its therapy. its people being able to feel like all the things they went through at that church weren’t personal attacks against them, but were simply insecure people taking out their frustrations on others. those who are reading your blogs who were there and went through the same thing can be vindicated that all the things they remembered happening weren’t just something they imagined up in their head or exaggerated after all! (by reading your stories, some people may not even believe the things u were told and what you experienced! lol)

    thank you for sharing, and please do continue. my favorite parts in all of this bloggyness (:)) is the way God has brought you and PB to a new place of freedom, peace, joy, happiness, ahhhh. i can feel that california breeze in my face!!

    Reply

    1. Oh Hope I cannot even begin to tell you how much I appreciate your kind words and the outpouring of support. Thank you for taking the time to leave such wonderful comments…they made my day and inspired me to keep writing. I’m so sorry for all that you went through there. All of the pain, heartache, accusations…the list goes on and on. Please forgive me for the times that I contributed to that behavior, I repent for not speaking up earlier, not taking a stand. I was wrong in the way I handled things there too.

      I love you and I am so proud of you. You are following your dreams and God has blessed you…that speaks for itself my friend…AMAZING!!!

      Reply

  2. I too have been moved by your recent posts. Although I’m fairly new to the world of the clergy spouse, I have witnessed church dysfunction from various viewpoints throughout my entire life. A healthy church is such a precious gift.

    Please send me the password too. (I know I’m a relative stranger, and I stay anonymous on-line, so if you need more info about me I’ll tell you nearly anything via email.)

    Your blog is a blessing! Thank you for sharing your story.

    Reply

  4. Jana,

    Those are the two things that have saved us too…growing in our relationship with the Lord (growing in the knowledge of how much He loves us) and a healthy church.

    Email me the password too! 🙂

    Reply

  7. Would you please e-mail me the password? I’d love to keep up with your private posts and learn from your experience.

    P.S. – I made a reference to your last Transparency post on my blog….=)

    Reply

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